The Color Purple
October 1, 2024
As we head into October, which was designated as "Domestic Violence Awareness Month" in 1987, we feel a heavy heart of institutional betrayal. We want to ask the VAWA team how it's going: Are women any safer now than back then? Are they making any progress on men's violence after 37 years of "awareness" campaigns?
At first glance, the thousands of domestic abuse organizations around the country appear to be unselfishly protecting vulnerable women and children from abuse. For so many women, these shelters are a lifeline at the most darkest time of their lives. Other than keeping women safe during a crisis period, their goal is to educate the women to encourage them to leave for good.
But what D.V. industry doesn't disclose to women, is that they are sending them from a shelter directly into the lion's den, a.k.a. Family Court. They don't tell women that if they leave, they will spend the next 3-5 years in court, where they will be subject to unbearable suffering and will lose their job, their home, their assets, their savings and life as they know it. They don't tell women that if they bring up the abuse in court, they will most likely lose custody of their children, even with credible evidence. They won't offer women much support after that initial emergency shelter, and they won't help women fight their abuser for custody in the ensuing years, by offering free legal representation when women need it the most with no access to martial funds.
One could argue that if women really knew the life they were headed for in the predatory family court system, they may just opt to stay and risk death - at least then they would be able to see their children and protect them from the known threat.
This October, instead of supporting these already well-funded D.V. agencies to raise money by doing a fundraising walk or by wearing purple, we invite you to try something new. Think civil disobedience.
Attend your local events this coming week, where politicians will gather with the D.V. agencies to launch Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Talk to journalists and the officials about what is happening once women get to family court. You could print a sign and simply hold it at these events.
Attend a local D.V. "Fall Luncheon" fundraiser (inquire about a survivor ticket) and educate everyone at your table about the atrocities of family court for abuse survivors.
Ask hard questions to these D.V. agencies in public venues, like how is the all of their funding being spent? Why don't they help women post separation? Why aren't they warning women about the courts and how they should avoid them at all costs?
Don't wear a purple ribbon this month; instead wear WHITE with the suffragette colors of purple and green.
Make a sign of truths and stand outside your local Family Court in peaceful protest.
Commit 1 day to court watch to support your sisters.
We cannot go along anymore with the same old narrative, with the same results. Women must unite and take risks to question those in power who have been writing the story for far too long. It's time to take back our power.
As Audre Lorde said, "Your silence will not protect you."
Rise up women.